r/mildlyinteresting • u/Leopoldo14 • Jan 28 '23
Attachment for massage gun is made to look (and feel) like a finger
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u/OnionDart Jan 28 '23
Question, not for me, but for someone who you probably don’t know. Is there a bigger finger attachment?
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u/106milez2chicago Jan 28 '23 •
"I call him Fister Roboto."
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u/SpoopySpydoge Jan 28 '23
Krieger!!
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u/gmanz33 Jan 28 '23
Oh you just painfully reminded me that my first wet dream was Freddy Krueger and I refuse to suffer through this memory alone.
For more mental context I am a guy and it was surprisingly..... good.
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u/inplayruin Jan 28 '23
I get it. Those long finger attachments are fucking magic on the prostate.
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u/caanthedalek Jan 28 '23
UGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Sorry! I thought you said start slacking off!
Not slacking off!
...Robot noises
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Jan 28 '23 •
assume the position
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u/BlueSparrow301 Jan 28 '23
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u/deadleavesdrtyground Jan 28 '23
How did he get here? What does he want? He wants seeeeeexxxxxx
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u/roamiedumbass Jan 28 '23
If I was a clone of Adolf goddamn Hitler, wouldn’t I look like Adolf goddamn Hitler?!
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u/Toxic_Cupcake79 Jan 28 '23
How fucking disgusting! Give me the link, so I can warn my friends about this nonsense. Don't forget the link to the bigger finger attachment, too. Smdh
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Jan 28 '23 edited Jan 29 '23
[deleted]
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u/Toxic_Cupcake79 Jan 28 '23
I like how the picture says that the attachment gives pain relief.
Uhm....excuse me. I want it to hurt. THANK YOU. 🙄
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u/totoaster Jan 28 '23 •
I never thought I'd say these words but there's actually a picture of a dildo wearing headphones on that product page.
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u/Toxic_Cupcake79 Jan 28 '23
2 in one combo. Beat your pussy up while listening to your favorite beats.
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u/WrongJohnson69 Jan 28 '23
Why? That finger looks about 10 inches, which is far above average than the common finger
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u/Complete_Log3486 Jan 28 '23
Stop being modest, I know 12 inches when I see it.
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u/M3RICA Jan 28 '23 •
A finger can’t be 12 inches because then it would be a foot.
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u/Powerful_Mood9292 Jan 28 '23
Rough seas ahead for the little man in the boat.
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u/alexjonestownkoolaid Jan 28 '23
Just don't go overboard. If the swelling gets bad, just hop on the dingy and find the nearest port.
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u/VRDV2
Jan 28 '23
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So anyway I started blasting
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u/funkmaster29 Jan 28 '23 •
gonna refry that bean
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u/loki-is-a-god Jan 28 '23
Making 7 layer dip over here
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u/bingbongbananadong Jan 28 '23
Ohhh can I eat it?
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u/ncfears Jan 28 '23
bonk
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u/bingbongbananadong Jan 28 '23
Oh no don't put me in horny jail :3
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u/Zapthegameman Jan 28 '23
You never left.
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u/brochiosaurus Jan 28 '23
That's the funniest thing I've read all goddamn week, bless you
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u/funkmaster29 Jan 28 '23
hey thank you very much
i was having a poo poo morning so all this love is really nice
and i hope it made other people's morning better too
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u/wigglyrabbitnose Jan 28 '23
I skipped over the word "morning" initially and thought you just really appreciated getting love while pooping. I need more sleep...
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u/MammothPrize9293 Jan 28 '23
Babe! I’ll be in the back room giving myself a massage!
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u/apaulogy Jan 28 '23
"massage" "finger attachment"
? 💦💦💦😆
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u/AcidicVaginaLeakage Jan 28 '23
You called?
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u/NewAccount4Friday Jan 28 '23
You must be /u/BleachedPanties sister
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u/AcidicVaginaLeakage Jan 28 '23
I asked my ex why her panties always got stained and she told me vaginal leakage was acidic. Within 10 minutes I had a new username. She was not exactly happy with this chain of events.
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u/ABrandNewNameAppears Jan 28 '23
Crazy.
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u/AcidicVaginaLeakage Jan 28 '23
Not really. You want it to be somewhat acidic. That provides some protection from yeast infections.
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u/Pjordat35 Jan 28 '23
I have never and probably never will again give an award on here but fuck that was funny
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u/Solid_Snark Jan 28 '23
I have one of these guns, they’re rapid fire stabs. In-and-out. Z-axis only. No Y or X.
I can’t imagine anyone using such a power and aggressive machine on such a sensitive area.
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u/nerdiotic-pervert Jan 28 '23
Everything reminds me of her.
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u/NotAPreppie Jan 28 '23
Cuts to shot of San Onofre nuclear generating station
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u/bicismypen Jan 28 '23
I pass by this at least 2-3 times a month. The giant boobs really make my drive that much better.
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u/2ndprize Jan 28 '23
Right. This thread is people who have never used one of these things. They are not subtle
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u/caustictoast Jan 28 '23
I know! The number of people joking about it scares me. It would destroy your vagina
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u/LordGhoul Jan 29 '23
When I went to buy my massage gun there were Amazon ads for attachments that looked like fists and dildos (like, extremely not subtle) and after receiving my massage gun I'm actually terrified of whoever uses them that way because that thing could hammer nails into a wall. It would be a sure way to get bruises in places you wouldn't want to get bruises at!
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u/CodingLazily Jan 28 '23
Trying to decide if you're a machinist/engineer or a computer guy. Obviously Z is forwards in most computer systems so that would make sense, but in machining Z is the direction that the part or tool sticks out. For that reason I'm leaning towards the latter.
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u/KinkyMonitorLizard Jan 28 '23
Z can be height or depth in the computer world. It just depends on the software and how old the user is.
Most 3D modeling/cad programs have settings to toggle them.
Personally I'm a z height guy as that's what max/milkshape/rhino used back in the 90s.
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u/ShazbotSimulator2012 Jan 28 '23
not even how old. Modern software is still not at all standardized.
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u/eigenvectorseven Jan 28 '23
There's software out there using left-handed coordinates? What the actual fuck?
That's infinitely more egregious than any choice of z direction.
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u/chth Jan 28 '23
Always weird to me when I see someone using design software and the Z is the forward plane, even on boring mills I am still thinking Z is tool up/down so seeing the Y be upsy downsy is very weird.
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u/MordunnDregath Jan 28 '23
Ah yes, a "massager."
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u/justreddis Jan 28 '23 edited Jan 28 '23
Should’ve just attached a fake hand for maximal massaging
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u/pornthrowaway1421 Jan 28 '23
Oh man this fist attachment really gets deep!
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u/snausagesinablanket Jan 28 '23
let alone the corkscrew attachment.
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u/toinfinitiandbeyond Jan 28 '23
Unexpected Rapist Duck
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u/S7ageNinja Jan 28 '23
I mean, good luck masturbating with a massage gun. They're pretty fucking aggressive.
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u/beebewp Jan 28 '23
Right? I have one of these and immediately thought the same thing. I can only imagine the callouses you’d develop. Yikes.
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u/DadJokeBadJoke Jan 28 '23
Just using that attachment on regular body parts seems sketchy. The one that came with my massage gun looks more like a bent thumb. I've only used the foam ball and the flat disc.
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u/ShnickityShnoo Jan 28 '23
I got one with a metal cone tip and use it on knots in my back. I have one major knot that seems nearly impervious. This is the only thing that seems to break it down enough to actually feel that soreness of success the next day.
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u/praqueviver Jan 29 '23
How do you use it on your own back? Seems kinda hard to position it optimally for self applied back massages.
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u/ShnickityShnoo Jan 29 '23
The main knot is high enough I can reach it decently myself. My wife helps with the areas I can't reach.
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u/Laurenhynde82 Jan 28 '23
Was just saying the same - just the lowest setting on my back was brutal. Do not let that thing near your sensitive bits.
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u/MrKADtastic Jan 28 '23
If I had a vulva, or specifically some robust minora, I wouldn't want it anywhere near me. Imaging going to town and getting it pinched.
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u/Buck_Thorn Jan 28 '23
SOOTHING Cordless VIBRATOR:
Apply to any part of the body for a very soothing, pleasurable, pulsating RELAXATION! Especially made for milady's needs - for complexion car and skin toning, helps relieve tensions, backaches, muscle spasms & JITTERY NERVES!
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u/MordunnDregath Jan 28 '23
Considering doctors used to prescribe masturbation for "hysteria," I think "jittery nerves" is an improvement.
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u/chth Jan 28 '23
Fun fact, Joycelyn Elders was removed from her office as Surgeon General by President Bill Clinton after correctly stating that male orgasms reduces the risk of prostate cancer and therefor it would be beneficial for men to masturbate.
I also read that the woman who popularized the idea of vibrators being invented to treat hysteria may have embellished some of the details to support the idea, not sure how true that was though.
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u/MordunnDregath Jan 28 '23
Good night, Americans are prudes, aren't they?
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u/TheDoktorIsIn Jan 28 '23
American here. Unfortunately yes. And we're conditioned too. There was a video with a caption "only the last 15 seconds of this are inappropriate for cable TV" or something. I'm not going to link it but it's a drug lord who hits his wife and murders his gf or whoever with his bare hands, then his compound is stormed by special forces who are fighting the guards and everyone's dying gruesomely.
The last 15 seconds are two dudes making out. And like, I really had to question why THAT'S the part that made me (cis het male but also absolutely an ally) uncomfortable. Because I've been conditioned for DECADES seeing literal disemboweling on TV. And yet no affection between two men, or two women that isn't meant for the male gaze if you'll forgive the term. But you have shows where people literally explode into a fine mist and yeah that's totally okay?
And tbh a hetero couple kissing kinda grosses me out too so it's not entirely lack of exposure.
I'm not saying America sucks or anything just that our FTC department and censorship is... Bad.
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u/jjba_enjoyer275 Jan 28 '23
its a massager for sore muscles, feels really great on the quads
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u/pass_nthru Jan 28 '23
🎶 finger bang bang finger bang bang bang 🎵
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u/Evoliddaw Jan 28 '23
I'm gonna Fingerbang-bang you into my life
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u/gudematcha Jan 28 '23
This could be an actual massager with a weird attachment. No shit I was looking for some fun things online and in the same section was a few of these powerful massager guns that said in the description “please keep away from genitals, but if you have to, please be safe”
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Jan 28 '23
I more interested by how clean the finger is.
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u/_night_cat Jan 28 '23
Just wipe it on the bedsheet and you’re good to go!
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u/TheTwistedPlot Jan 28 '23
Plot twist: an ultra violet smear appears on the bedsheet. Further data analysis reveals that it belongs to the wife and another unidentifiable female.
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u/uodjdhgjsw Jan 28 '23
Now they just need a life like rubber tongue, but they can at least make it red
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u/Thatguyyourmomloves Jan 28 '23
Wowww a FingerBlaster 3000!. I never thought I would see one irl
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u/nom_of_your_business Jan 28 '23
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u/DeathMetalTransbian Jan 28 '23
I can't help but wonder if that may have been inspired by WKUK's Finger Ring Friends
Oh. It's Amy Schumer. Of course she stole the idea from someone else.
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u/wesleyar1
Jan 28 '23
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Has anyone in these comments ever used one of these before? They are extremely powerful and who is blasting their nether regions with a hard piece of plastic at 5000rpm?
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u/Four_beastlings Jan 28 '23
First comment with some sense I read in this thread. I have one of those and wouldn't want it anywhere near my pink bits.
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u/endlessfight85 Jan 28 '23
My first thought too. The amount of people who could actually handle a theragun as a masturbation tool has to be extremely small. I mean SOMEONE is out there doing it, but this is definitely not for everyone.
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u/chmpgnsupernover Jan 28 '23
🤷🏻I used one of these with a soft ball like attachment over a girls pants. She seemed to enjoy herself but I agree there is better tools for the job.
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u/ICantExplainItAll Jan 28 '23
was gonna say this lol. the ball attachment is... ahem... nice
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u/Blenderx06 Jan 28 '23
Most toys tend to have fine vibrations, when many of us prefer deep rumbly vibrations. The nerf ball attachment is great.
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u/VP007clips Jan 28 '23
You are overestimating the logic and common sense of horny people. Any ER doctor would tell you how stupid they can be.
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u/UniqueID89 Jan 28 '23
Just a matter of time before someone winds up in the ER after “falling” on one of these.
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u/EmeraldFalcon89 Jan 28 '23
I also kinda laughed at these for the obvious reasons, then was skeptical they do anything at all.
my roomie put one in front of me after I got a RSI in my wrist and I pretty quickly realized it was helping and swapped out the clown nose for a hard plastic bit and spent a while traversing those wrist muscles and it did feel noticeably better and allowed me to do more wrist stretching exercises with less pain.
they are mercilessly unsexy and if anyone has seen it used and thinks it is a good sex toy - they don't know shit about sex.
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u/Enchelion Jan 28 '23
Yep, these things are amazing for sore muscles. Absolutely not a good bedroom toy unless your specific kink is getting knuckle-punched by Kenshiro.
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u/Ghekor Jan 28 '23
I got one too with like 10 diff attachments, ngl the soft ball attachment is nice on my back but for stuff like arms or legs theres much better options.
And it really does relax the muscles.
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u/TheurGist98 Jan 28 '23
THATS WHAT THAT ISSSSS. I bought one of these like 3 years ago and always wondered who the fuck wants to massage such a small & focused area. 😂 I see what it is now
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u/SlingDingersOnPatrol Jan 28 '23
Someone with a bad knot in their back, or a knot in their loins.
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u/TheurGist98 Jan 28 '23
There are better attachments for that imo! this one is just completely made of hard plastic and literally hurts using it, at least when I tried it ;3 other ones got a little rubber tip so that it doesn't hurt pressing in & out
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u/AllTheBestNamesGone Jan 28 '23
A bit of pain during a massage isn’t the worst thing if you’re really trying to get a knot out. I’d say avoid it if you don’t need it, but sometimes you need to hit it pretty hard to get it to release and I like these small, hard attachments for that.
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u/asleepaddict Jan 28 '23
The plastic attachments on my massage gun have left a bruise on the lowest setting! I was surprised because I did not use it long.
The round foam attachment really is best, just gotta use it a little longer.
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Jan 28 '23
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u/sadfactory Jan 28 '23
The fork is good for your Achilles tendons, one “prong” on each side of the back of your heel
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u/Dilf_lover555 Jan 28 '23
One thing is going through my head
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Jan 28 '23
It’s a sex thing isn’t it
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u/discobidet Jan 28 '23
Its gotta be nosepicking.
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u/Icy-Conclusion-3500 Jan 28 '23
That the finger isn’t long enough? Two fingers might give a better massage also.
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u/cutthecake221 Jan 28 '23
Where could i get one?
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u/Leopoldo14 Jan 28 '23
It’s called the LifePro sonic pro percussion massage gun
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u/YoursTastesBetter Jan 28 '23
That's a lot of words for a clit stimulator.
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u/EViLTeW Jan 28 '23
If you've ever seen one of these impact massagers in use, it is not a clit stimulator. It would be a clit remover, best case scenario a clit bruiser.
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u/letdogsvote Jan 28 '23
That finger's going places.